Past Work Experience
* Ran for congress and lost.
* Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the
Chicago Cubs.
* With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of
Texas |
Accomplishments in Previous Positions
* Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas
the most polluted state in the Union.
* Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city
in
America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
* Set record for most executions by any governor in American
history. (I'm really proud of this record)
* Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes, with the help of my father's
| appointments to the Supreme Court. |
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Accomplishments As President:
* Attacked and took over two countries.
* Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
* Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market.
* First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.
* First year in office set the all-time record for most days on
vacation by any president in U.S. history. (its stressful
being president you know)
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
* Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other
president in U.S. history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost
their job.
* Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than
any president in U.S. history.
* Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period.
* Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions
than any president in U.S. history.
* Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than
any president since the advent of television.
* Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than any president in U.S. history.
* Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and
refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15
million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind.
*Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.
* My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any
in U.S. history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in
U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an
Exxon
oil tanker named after her).
* First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union
simultaneously go bankrupt.
* Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any
market in any country in the history of the world.
* First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation.
* Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the
history of the United States.
* Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
* First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove
the U.S. from the human rights commission.
* First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove
the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.
* Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S.
history.
* Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and
by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
* All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations.
* My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of
the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former
CEO of Enron Corporation).
* Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president
in U.S. history.
* First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign
nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack
(and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
* First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.
* Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in
less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world
(possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
* With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people
of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability. (it is by the way)
* First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea
more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.( But not vote, ha ha!!)
* Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding
for government contracts.
* Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or
alive.'
* Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the
leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18
months I have no leads and zero suspects. (It wasn't me!!)
* In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in
the history of the United States.
* Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than
any other president in U.S. history.
* In a little over two years created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil
War.
* Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in
less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight
down.
Records and References:
* At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving
record has been erased and is not available)
* AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time
of war.
* Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug
use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited
away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on
the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public review.
* For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James
Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for
war-profiteering.)
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